When a Jamaican Cries Freedom – Marcus Garvey, Peter Tosh, Bob Marley – the whole world stops, looks and listens.
Private Government Services of Jamaica, Inc.© is pleased to follow in this proud tradition of International Excellence, by becoming the First Country in the World™ to offer Consensual Citizenship and Transparent Centralized Governance as a For-Profit service.
It is our Intention to be the Best Government Money can Buy™, and as such, we continually strive to provide our Citizen Shareholders© with the BEST in top quality Health, Wellness, Education and Other Centrally Controlled Services, in our tireless effort to earn your Tax Revenue Business and retain your Boundless Fealty.
We look forward to serving all your Governmental Needs – promptly, efficiently, cheerfully and correctly – on time, and at the right address – the first time around.
Everyone wants to be Jamaican, so here’s an Offer Too Good to Not be True. Honorary VIP Jamaican Citizenships are now available – direct and without middleman markup, from Private Government Services of Jamaica, Inc.© too!
Additionally, Private Government Services of Jamaica, Inc.© are pioneers and leaders in International Affairs, Mediation Procedures and Conflict Resolution, and can provide – at reasonable cost – an Impartial Forum for the binding resolution of complex Diplomatic disputes.
Whenever you need to ask a tough question about the National Budget, or even if you just want to say Hi, feel free to pop right in.
We are here to Serve You with our Services™ – Our Doors are Always Open to both Current and Prospective Citizen Shareholders©.
Private Government Services of Jamaica, Inc.© understands that Individual Liberty and Autonomous Sovereignty can be quite a hassle, and we are here to lift those heavy burdens of Free Will, Independent Action and Making your Own Decisions off your weary shoulders.
Our automatically recurring, Year-to-Year, Citizen Shareholder© contract, should you choose to accept, will, both entitle and enable use of any Government Service – Gas Stations, Mass Transit, Hospitals, Hotels, Healthclubs, Universities, Daycare, Aftercare, Seniorcare, Babysitting, Petsitting, Housesitting, Mini-Storage, Color Copiers, Scanners, Fax Machines, etc. – all for FREE, just as long as your Tax Bill is current and paid up to date (Three Month Grace Period – Late Fees and Re-Education / Re-Indoctrination Service Charges will Apply) .
Sovereignty and Autonomy are simply just not what they are all cracked up to be, and Private Government Services of Jamaica, Inc.© understands how you feel.
There’s Personal Responsibility to think about – Human Cooperation, Social Cooperation, Self Control, Unregulated Economic Production, Voluntary Associations with Others – not to mention compliance with those three pesky and complex Natural Laws – the list of Sovereign Duties for Free Individuals seems to just go on and on and on…
Who has time for such contrivance?
Constantly having to do all this stuff – over and over again for yourself can quickly wear a Sovereign out.
When it comes to Informed Consent of the Governed – Private Government Services of Jamaica, Inc.© is Light years ahead of the competition.
In this Day and Age, many rival Centrally Planned Bureaucracies are still using unrevealed contracts and imaginary fictions to govern their unwitting subjects!
Buyer Beware, most of these other, low-cost, “Citizenships Programs” offered by competitor governments, are actually factory rejects and knockoffs – produced in Legislative sweatshops – by people that most probably hate Kittens.
Seldom do these ‘Fly-By-Night Citizenships’ include a full – or even a partial written disclosure, or definitions of terms used, or what your obligations are, or what the consequences of this supposed “Relationship” – or even what your new found “Fealties” include.
Sounds like misrepresentation to us. Oops.
Our Government does not use trickery, falsehood or deceit to compromise your status as a Sovereign, nor Obligate you to Perform in any Manner – (without your explicit informed consent, of course).
When you work with a Professional, For-Profit Government like Private Government Services of Jamaica, Inc.©, you will quickly see the benefits of honesty, up-front disclosure and transparency.
Our Government, Your Government of Choice ™, can respond quickly and provide customized solutions for a diverse range of problematic personal issues like Reason, Logic, Ethics, Morality, Conformity – and Insecurity – delivering Instant Peace of Mind, Validative Reassurance and Warm, Fuzzy Contentment – 24 Hours a Day.
Private Government Services of Jamaica, Inc.© can satisfy all your needs for External Governance, Lifestyle Management and Arbitrary Rules of Behavior – based primarily on the Will of Other People – with a wide range of paper-based edicts and legislative ponderances.
Just look at all this Free Stuff!
Statues, Codes, Licenses, Permits, Regulations, Certifications, Registrations, Applications, Stipulations, Qualifications, Salutations and much, much more – all stamped and bearing a nicely embossed Official Seal of Authority™ as your irrefutable proof of extensive, behind-the-scenes discussion and deliberation, by hard-working Government Agents and Officials – regarding the pertinent matter, all on your behalf. (Application, Registration and Documentation Fees Will Apply)
Whenever you need something Controlled, Restricted or Regulated – Private Government Services of Jamaica, Inc.© wants to be Your Government of Choice ™.
If you are the type of person that would rather vote in secret to take away the liberties and wages of others, as opposed to carrying out the desired act yourself – in plain view in front of others – we want to be Your Government of Choice ™.
Sometimes you simply just need a Mommy and Daddy Authority Figure, that happens to wear a uniform and has a Shiny Badge.
It’s all good…
We know, that You know, that a ‘Free Citizen’ doesn’t exist.
We know, that You know, that when you put your trust in a Centrally Managed Administration and delegate your authority to it – in the name of convenience – and agree to live your life under certain codes of conduct, you are no longer, by definition, self-governing – but our new and improved Government Matrix will simply tell your brain that all is fine and dandy!
No Problems, Mon™ – Ignorance is Bliss™.
Surveys show that deep down inside, the Top Three Wishes most people had in Life, were to have an Honest Government, be able to Smoke Weed in Peace, or be one of those Cool Jamaicans.
Our For-Profit Government can help you with all three!
Private Government Services of Jamaica, Inc.© offers the “Honorary Jamaican Rasta VIP Citizenship” to Foreign Nationals seeking Political, Economic, Religious or Mental Asylum.
The “Honorary Jamaican Diplomatic Courier VIP Citizenship” is geared for Foreign Nationals that want Freedom to Posses Plants in Their Pockets, while the “Honorary Jamaican Sprinter VIP Citizenship” is perfect for Foreign Nationals that want to stand out at the Country Club or Yacht Marina.
Many famous Celebrities, Athletes, Musicians and Intellectuals – Usain Bolt, Grace Jones, Sean Paul, Patrick Ewing, Jerome Jordan, J. Michael Fitzgerald, and the entire Jamaican Bobsled Team – have ALL been Clients of the Irie Jamaican Government©.
Even the Pope has used our Washroom Facilities!
Private Government Services of Jamaica, Inc.© is not just for Individuals – We are Eager to Assist in International Crisis Mediation and provide comprehensive War De-Mongering Services.
In these times of global strife and anarchy between nation states, you have to either favor NWO-style one world government – or use Private Government Services of Jamaica, Inc.© fast and reliable, Take It Easy – Peace Pipe Resolution Service™.
No More Waiting in long lines to resolve International disputes at the United Nations!
As the only Country in the World whose tricolor Flag does not contain Red, White or Blue – you know Jamaica can be Impartial.
We are experts in helping aggressive foreign governments settle disputes – nationally and internationally, by respecting cultural differences and providing appropriate alternative solutions to disputes.
It’s not as if we just simply lock the Heads of State in a room with some Reggae and some Ganja and tell them to work things out.
Jamaican Conflict Resolution Facilities are state of the art and climate controlled – with upscale dark wood furnishings, a private walk-in humidor – and a long list of cognacs to accompany freshly prepared Jamaican Peace Pipes™.
The Irie Jamaican Conflict Resolution Lounge – with retractable roof – features large comfy leather chairs and sofas, Giant Flat Screen TVs, Two 8-foot billiard tables, vending and snack machines, an elegant table with seating for eight (can be converted for poker), and live Reggae music on weekends – has everything a Global Leader, or their Secret Service staff, could want or need, to unwind and enjoy a decent Brandy, while meeting with their sworn Arch-Enemy.
Jamaican Neutrals are highly trained conflict resolution specialists with proven a track record for moving matters forward, and may include Rastafarian Elders, Fishermen, Grandmothers or other Jamaican Intellectual, designated at no additional cost, to be your impartial “Smoke It Out™” Mediator and Nightlife Chaperone.
Just come to Jamaica and Everything Will be Allright, Mon.
You don’t even have to use our Government Services all the time! With your Preferred VIP Client Access Card© – you’re always covered, 24/7 – or whenever you happen to need the psychological reassurance of someone behind a plexiglass window saying – “Don’t Worry Yourself, Everything Going to be All Right”™.
Operators are Standing By – Just Give Us a Call, Mon!
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Thank You for your Continued Patronage and Support
Dedicated to the work of Bob Chapman & the Human Son I will leave behind on this strange planet.
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